The 5 Chapters Of Inner Battle
This is written as a dedication to serve as a motivation to those who are struggling with eating disorders. I hope I have depicted the concept of inner battle to those who are trying to curb with their disorders in the best way possible without sacrificing its value to serve those who needed motivation from other prospects besides eating disorders. I had loved ones who experienced the same and wish others to not give up their fight.
As cold as it gets, no weather can match what you have felt. So beaten, so weary, so burdened, you could hardly believe that you can still breathe after all you had been through. All you have is yourself. What could you have possibly done to deserve such fate, you wondered. Unfortunately nobody can answer you, nor will there ever be any answers. Everyday is a battle. A battle to stay up and alive. A struggle to get through days filled with tests that have brought you to your limits.
The truth is that, you understand. You understand the reality that everyone has their own battle to fight. It is perfectly clear to you that no one will ever be in a better condition than you. But at times like this, it is hard to tell. Could that have been the truth about life? Could it be that nobody else’s battle is easier than mine? You just cannot wrap your mind around the fact that everyone has to fight such a hard battle.
You thought at this point, it would be better if you were in someone else’s shoes, but reality forbids. You woke up the next day and there you were, putting on your battle prints to fight through another day. You are a persistent individual. An individual who will not go down without putting a good fight. So did you, fighting through, winning some and losing some. You have persevered, for days to years, from years to decades. “But will there be an end?”, you thought. Just so exhausting.
The Fork Road
Day in day out, you were given the choice to continue or to give up. Dilemma flooded your mind as if it was hit by waves and waves of tsunami. You know you could not give up. All the voices surrounding you, telling you life is a battle that you must continue to fight for. How you wish all those voices would just leave you alone, yet at the same time you needed them. How are you going to make a decision upon which path you shall take, knowing none of them will offer you any peace of mind. In the end however, you have to make a decision.
As you finished your exhausting routines of chores and errands, you decided to take a rest, regardless of the undone tasks. “For now, I had enough”, you told yourself. This is probably your hundredth time telling yourself the similar, yet never did mean to intend. In the past when you did, you still got back up to continue whatever that exhaust you. Perhaps that is your one and only achievement till date.
Howbeit, this day was different. As you sat in a cafe corner across the slum, you noticed perhaps the poorest man you have came across in your life. Not long after, you soon widen your eyes to try to accept the fact that this man have indeed, five children to afford for. You soon came up with all the possible calculations to get over the fact, how this five children could have survived under such a poor home. To no avail, none of the calculations you tried, came out logical.
With curiousity, beyond that of a cat’s, you returned to the same place the next day. This time around, you still get to see the poor man. You then followed him all day long to feed your curiousity. The figure of such poverty could not even escape your sight even if you lose your focus for minutes. Soon you found yourself coming to an entrance to an underground space. Then it hit you. It was an old storage space. The poor man then exposed his severely damaged right arm and started lifting heavy bags as part of his job.
The poor man’s deed had touched you so deep you could not stop yourself from asking why. Why in the world would a person work so hard to the extend of damage yet knowing he could never provide enough for his family still. The man then said, “Son, it is not how much I could do, or how capable I am. My family is my responsibility. It is my responsibility to raise my children, and nobody else’s. It is not if you could do it or not, it is why you need to do it.”
It is not if we could win our battle, but why we need to fight. A battle is well lost when we find no reason to fight. The story above, tells “you” as your enemy, the “poor man” as your will, and his “five children”, your spark of life. Our daily battles had made us tell ourselves a really sad story. Yet in the end of the day, when you find a reason to prevail, no enemies will not shiver upon your will to do so. The only person who you have to defeat, is yourself who prevents you from finding the “poor man” in you.