Until She Can Find A Better Man

Part 1

He hung up, filled with disappointment. If only she knew that it is not easy. It has always been hard to talk to Anne although she had been his close friend for years. David knew. He knew that all this is complicated because he could never get over the fact that there is always the urge to push things forward. Feelings that were hidden. David had always been fond of her.

“You’re always here a moment, and gone the next. I really don’t know what you’re thinking sometimes. I mean, are we even friends?”, the last thing Anne said before their conversation ended.

Anne is a discrete girl, who would be really picky and choosy when it comes to mixing around with people. However, she always put in an enormous amount of hard effort to overcome this. David had always been there however; may it be bad or good.

The friendship between the both of them was rather one-sided. David was always afraid of losing her. He knew she would never see him, the same way he sees her. Such a fact serves as a catalyst to which led to the withdrawal behavior which is often shown by him. He was just afraid to fall too deep for her.

It was the eve of new year. As usual, though they are close, there always seems to have the existence of a barrier between them. They celebrated separately.

As David came to his friends at a club nearby, they could see easily that it happened again. Everyone can tell that he somehow have feelings for Anne, except Anne herself.

Whaddup Dave! Come on dude, let’s have fun tonight and not anything spoil the night!”, said Alan, who has always been a ‘wise’ friend to David. None of Alan’s advice will ever seem less valuable to David.

“Man, I just don’t know what to do. She’s been pushing me away since.” David said as he reach for his first shot of Vodka. “Are you sure that’s the real situation?”, replied Alan while lifting his hand over David’s shoulder to give him a pat.

“You see, that’s the problem with you, Dave.” Alan continued. “You never really reach out to what you want, because you’re just too afraid of getting hurt. I mean, look, if you love her, then love her! Why would you even worry if she’s going to love you back or not?”.

David held back the second shot of Vodka he had on his hand. As he put down the glass, he turned to Alan with an expression of both submission and retaliation to the idea. “Maybe you’re right, bud.” he said as he gave up on the idea of getting drunk on the night of the eve.

David was there, thinking through the whole night as everyone was celebrating. Soon later, he reach for his cellphone in his pocket. He popped it out and dialed Anne’s number. They did talk, and for the first time their conversation was easy going and smooth.

After the call, David came back to Alan with a smile and they finished off the night with a happy countdown to new year for David after all.

Days to follow, Alan knew that David and Anne had been hanging out often. David had since hardly have anything to complain about their friendship.

However, romance was the last thing that will bud between the two of them. Every each of David’s friends could see that he had no chance. Out of curiosity, one of them sent David a text asking if he is considering any alternatives between him and Anne.

David then replied the text with, “I love her. I used to be afraid to admit that because I was afraid of getting hurt. Too afraid I guess. I know she will never see me the same way, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t or will not love her. Until she can find a better man, I’m here to make her happy as much as I could.”

Part 2

“You’re always too held up. You never open up for people, and it’s hard to be comfortable with someone who is constantly on the edge”, Anne said as she flips her fringe with a sigh and frustration. “You know what my problems are. I am sorry”, David replied hoping for forgiveness.

There was a reason though, to why David acted in such a way. He held back his feelings for so long, it is hard for him to open them up to her again. “Does this only happen to me, or everyone else you know?”, Anne added. “I am like this, to everyone. I am just weird like that”, he replied with a certain uncertainty.

David lied. He never had any problems interacting with people. He just could not tell her that it only happens to her as it would sound even weirder. He is too tied up with the thoughts of impressing her and not to cross the line of friendship which he deeply hopes he could.

“Until she can find a better man, ya’ say Dave? Looks like she did.” said Alan as they both meet the night later at the club. The club was almost empty that night and quiet. It is a deserted place when there are no special occasions.

“I know dude, I thought I could live with it but it looks like being ‘just friends’ isn’t what I really wished for after all.” David replied as he pull himself close to the bartender table. “I just didn’t want to lose her, at least she’s still here right?” he added with the sense of rhetorical. Alan then just nodded his head for providing David a temporary comfort.

The man Anne met, was close to perfect. This time there was nothing David can do but to see her love someone else. What can I do? I’m just a friend. 

“I can really live with the fact that she will never be mine, seriously. I just can’t accept that the ‘better man’ took spaces of mine in her heart. It has only been me and her for years. The time we spend together, I just don’t want to lose her.” David went on to take shots of alcohol as he explained it to Alan.

“I know, Dave. I think you should start expecting less, or you’re gonna’ screw up this friendship.” said Alan while snatching that last shot from David’s hand. “Let me tell you what’s wrong, Alan. I meet the perfect girl too damn early. If we didn’t grew up together and bump into her like how I did with other girls, everything could be totally different.” David replied, facing Alan with his eyes a quarter shut, signifying that he is no longer completely sober.

David was a good drinker, everyone thought. It is different when one drinks for pleasure compared to one who drinks for pain.

“I just love her so much, but she can never know about it”, the last words David said before he passed out with such agony and pain. Tears could be seen rolling down from his cheeks. It was the first time Alan, his friend, and other acquaintances in the club seen David in such a bad shape.

“Time to go home, bud..”, Alan said as he lifted David up to leave the club.

The next day as David woke up, it was already noon. His hair messy, smelling like alcohol, looking totally wrecked. He reached for his phone, and checked his inbox for any messages. All he could see was the majority of his inbox were filled with Anne’s messages. However, none of them were new. There was no incoming messages for him that noon.

“If only the world ends today, I’ll get to tell her how much I love her”. David said as he got up from his bed.

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About D.C. Fischer

Dwayne C. Fischer is my pseudonym. I am a writer who writes to share and to deliver my words to the public. I believe that through words, it is more efficient to deliver messages because words are shields from discrimination and prejudice. Words are also the one and only weapon that can penetrate the thick scull of ignorance.

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